How to Talk To Your Partner About Your PCOS
This week is all about how to get support from your spouse, partner or family. I’ve heard the comment that goes something like if you hate your husband only 3 days out of every month then it’s clearly not your husband. Well, it’s not your husband or partner anyway, but it’s important to communicate better.
Hi, I’m Robin Nielsen, the Chief Wellness Officer here at Insulite Health. I’m so happy to connect with you here!
And if we don’t feel well then it’s tough. And it’s even tougher when we want to feel better but there are all these temptations at home, and resistance from family members at home that feels like NO support. So what do you do?
I was talking to a woman today, and she said that she wants to eat a certain way to feel her best, but her husband insists on having things that she can’t eat in the house. Her exact comment was, “My husband likes to have the foods I am most tempted with in our home and says I just need more willpower. I sometimes have a hard time just focusing and being consistent.”
It’s hard enough figuring this out for ourselves, but when we have to overcome hurdles put in front of us by others it makes it even harder, and sometimes impossible. Forget willpower!
One of my clients desperately wanted to heal. She was exhausted, overweight, and experienced anxiety and depression. She was willing to do anything to feel better. Week after week she would come into my office defeated. When I asked what was up she said that her husband stayed home all day, doing odds and ends around the house, and when she got home from work he wanted to party.
So he’d fix them both a cocktail and then fix hors d’oeuvres and meals that weren’t part of her healing plan. And she was just too tired to argue. And plus, when she got home, that cocktail looked really good. Until later in the evening when she regretted everything, big time. And finally she gave up because she just didn’t know how to fix it, nor did she have the energy.
So what do we do? How do we get those we live with to support us on our journey? And how can we communicate better so they feel supported and loved?
Let me tell you my story. It may help you…When my sons were teenagers, 13 & 16 I was at my wits end. I was exhausted, burned out, my moods were all over the place and I still had acne. My husband was 30 pounds overweight, my older son had cystic acne and attention issues, and my younger son was heavier than he wanted to be.
And I was so tired of telling the kids not to snack at 5pm when they were hungry because they’d go for all the junk: the cookies, chips and crap that was packaged that wasn’t good for them. I wanted them to wait for dinner. How crazy was that?
We need to eat when we’re hungry and if there’s food in the house that I didn’t want them to eat it was my fault. It was then that I had an ah ha moment – I realized I had all the power when it came to food because I was doing all the grocery shopping and cooking. This gave me some leverage…so I called a family meeting.
There we talked about how I wanted to go on a healthier journey. I asked my husband, “If I make us lunch every day will you eat it?” and he said “yes”. And I asked my family if they would support my better eating journey – I warned them that we were going to try new things and experiment a bit and that I wouldn’t be buying or bringing home anything I thought was unhealthy.
I also said to my older son, “you can drive, so if you want something that we don’t have here you can pick it up and pay for it yourself”. We talked about the benefits of eating this way and how we might all feel better.
Everyone agreed to give it a go so I had buy-in from the family. I also took the microwave out of the kitchen and carried it down the front steps of the house and into the car and donated it to Goodwill…
OK, the boys freaked out when I did this. They asked me how they were going to cook? I told them they’d learn on the stove top and in the oven… and before long they were good cooks. In fact they went off to college completely prepared and never gained a pound.
And when their friends came over to our house, they would bring liters of soda pop and fast food because they knew we didn’t have it. But 3 of their friends became very healthy eaters because of our family’s influence and my husband, Eric, lost 20 pounds in 2 months eating the lunch that I made for us each day, instead of getting a burger and fries at the hamburger place down the street. Amazing right?
It wasn’t as simple as it sounds – we had some bumps. Sometimes my family thought I was crazy. Friends looked at me funny when I’d order at a restaurant. Most people didn’t understand.
My Rotary Club said NO when I wanted to change the food at our weekly lunch meetings. So I had to lead the way. I brought my own homemade lunch every week for years to the meeting, and everyone wanted to know what I brought. I had to be the example.
If I took good care of myself it would show and others would want to know how I did it. I told my husband that I was going to be “HOT” and he better keep up. I also figured out how to play better tennis through being healthier and I knew my tennis friends would want to know how I did it… And all of this has come true. So sometimes we have to lead by example when we don’t have the support we need. Remember we’re on the cutting edge!
Most people take poor care of themselves and feel lousy most of the time. But not us!! And it all begins with a conversation, a heart-centered conversation. Explain what’s going on for you. Let your partner or family know how they can best support you. And ask how you can support them…
My husband and I talk almost every morning in a conversation we call “clearing”. We share what’s bothering us and what feelings are coming up while the other one listens. And then we create something new – something that will make the day amazing. Sometimes we share a brag a gratitude and a desire for the day. We acknowledge the other for the beautiful person they are by recognizing a lovely quality in them. And then we give each other a hug and a kiss and head off into the beautiful day. By doing this we have cleared away the junk so we can focus on the fabulous. Give it a try! Send us an email if you’d like more information on this process.
So here are some next steps for you.
- Be sure to take the PCOS Quiz here on our website to see if you may be struggling from the symptoms of hormone imbalance.
- Next join our community by purchasing the PCOS 5-Element System. It’s proven to help you heal from the symptoms of PCOS and hormone imbalance, in a step-by-step approach.
We call this the 5% Solution. Taking small steps over time to reach your health goals…We’ve done all the research for you. Thousands of women over the years have successfully used, and are still using, the PCOS 5-Element System to balance hormones.
You can learn more about this System here on our website at Insulite Health, pcos.com. Come join our beautiful community. We’re here to support you every step of the way.
Could the symptoms you are suffering with be PCOS? Click the headline below to take the PCOS Test and find out!